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“But I’m afraid that it would all be a disappointment, so I prefer to just dream about it.” - the crystal shop owner from the alchemist

in my heart i know what i really want and i have played all the possible scenarios in my head. i haven’t asked God for it though, because i am afraid that He might grant my wish. i am scared to actually get it because i don’t want to disappoint you, but i don’t want to not get it because i am scared that i will resent you and myself for going through with it. i already feel horrible for hoping it won’t happen, but i am telling myself that God will give us the answer. and if that answer isn’t what i want, then i’m just going to have to accept it.

i’m wondering though, if the only thing you had to do was make a choice instead of not wanting something, but leaving it up to God, does that mean i am not actually doing what He wants?

i wish things didn’t have to be so complicated.

i have been vomiting everyday since my eighth week. i get sick usually after eating a meal, however, big or small that meal was. i’ve discovered that drinking pineapple juice with my meal helps make vomiting a bit more tolerable. if i don’t drink pineapple juice, the after taste of hurling is really, really bad and super acidic. however when i drink pineapple juice it’s still doesn’t taste good, but at least i don’t feel like hurling again on my way from the toilet to the sink to brush my teeth.

thank God for golden circle pineapple juice! bottled vs tetra packs are better though, imho.

having recently watched the latest harry potter movie, i was inspired to re-read book 6 and pre-order book 7 lol when i first book 6 i hated it, because i thought there was too much focus on ron and hermione’s “courtship” and there wasn’t as much action as there was in the previous books. however after reading it all over again, it wasn’t that bad. i suppose the book couldn’t really have too much action, considering it’s meant to build up what’s going to happen in book 7.

i am one of those people who cannot wait to find out what the ending is so i tried googling on spoilers about book 7 hehe. it doesn’t look like there are any genuine spoilers out there, just speculation from fans on what’s going to happen. this site has an image of a page from book 7, but i don’t really know if it’s genuine. maybe it’s just one of those fan lit that had been going around. the title on the website says that snape dies killing voldemort in order to save harry, but that doesn’t make sense cos harry is the one that needs to kill voldemort. unless they meant snape dies trying to kill voldemort, that would make much more sense.

i think harry will find out that snape was just acting on dumbledore’s orders, even if that meant killing dumbledore himself. i cannot wait for the book! i’ll try not to read the ending first when i get the book lol only one more week to go